Dating tips for noobs setting the mood with your woman

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Second, the women in these fantasies are never picky about their men.They are happy to have sex with whomever walks through the door. Real women have their own sexual agency, and they are looking for men they are attracted to.

Men tend to go way out of their way to deny the existence of women’s sexual agency, because if these men can pretend that women are not judging them, it means they do not need to worry about themselves: their attractiveness, their intellect, or whether they are acting like an asshole.

My point here is that these fantasies tend towards an unrealistic level of control of the sexual situation, even when compared with real-life D/S.

In fact, D/S erotica falls prey to the same pattern: as anyone who has done D/S can tell you, the actual negotiation involved is a lot more subtle and complex than what happens in Anne Rice’s Beauty series.) Unfortunately, most depictions of nonmonogamy in popular culture fit the Valley of the Dolls model.

This guide was originally put together as a handout for a class on nonmonogamy aimed at men.

Before finishing it, I decided to switch to a “tips” format instead, so I am publishing the portion that was finished, which covers the high-level conceptual stuff but does not get down into specific attitudes or the practical advice.

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