Jerry seinfeld quotes about dating 100 dating freundschaft beziehung

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Well, now you know how I feel.” “People don’t turn down money! ” – Jerry “I think if one’s going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note—it’s common courtesy. They put them in their houses—like they’re trophies. ” – Elaine “How long do you have to wait for a guy to come out of a coma before you ask his ex-girlfriend out? I’m scared of the same thing that you are, everything.” – George “You’re giving me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ routine? I must be at the nexus of the universe.” – Kramer “A preemptive breakup. Who do you think is going to be the first ones getting a tour of the ship? ” – Jerry “You know what would make a great coffee table book? ” – Kramer “Hey, how come people don’t have dip for dinner?

It’s what separates us from the animals.” – Jerry Kramer, on male self-pleasure: “We have to do it. I don’t know, that’s just the way I was brought up.” – George Kramer, on cultural differences: “See, here, you’re just another apple, but in Japan, you’re an exotic fruit. Which is rare there.” “Why does everything have to be ‘us’? I invented ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’ Nobody tells me it’s them not me; if it’s anybody, it’s me.” – George “I’ll tell you what the big advantage of homosexuality is: if you’re going out with someone your size, right there you double your wardrobe.” – Jerry “That’s the bra I gave her, she’s wearing it as a top! How do they get the caffeine out of there and then where does it go? Why is it only a snack, why can’t it be a meal, you know? I can’t take it…” – Jerry “Oh, understudies are a very shifty bunch.

So don’t give me hygiene.” – Elaine “I don’t even care about cops. You’re never gonna stop crime, we should at least be clean.” – Jerry “I can’t stand kids. ” – George More funny quotes: 100 of Homer Simpson’s greatest quotes 50 of Terry Wogan and Graham Norton’s most scathing Eurovision quotes 27 brilliantly funny quotes from This Country 50 of the funniest (and most puerile) quotes from The Inbetweeners 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes 25 of the most outrageous Summer Heights High quotes 25 of Rik Mayall’s greatest quotes 25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes 50 of the funniest Father Ted quotes Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier 25 of the most ‘textbook’ Alan Partridge quotes 50 of the best lines from Peep Show 20 of The Young Ones’ most gloriously silly quotes 20 of Malcolm Tucker’s most cutting insults 25 of the greatest Absolutely Fabulous quotes, darling The 20 most nonsensical quotes from the W1A team 50 of the funniest Friends quotes and jokes …

My Uncle Pete showers four times a day and he can’t count to ten. All I wanna see are garbage trucks, garbage cans and garbage men.

I mean, to have a bunch of strangers treat your house like a hotel room.” – Jerry “You don’t understand.

Why is it that the doors on the stalls do not come all the way down to the floor?

Oliver Duff, Editor By entering your email address and clicking on the sign up button below, you are agreeing to receive the latest daily news, news features and service updates from the i via email.Luckily for us, the absurdity of dating has not slipped pass comedians and other witty minds. Here are some of the most hilarious dating quotes and one liners from the likes of Jerry Seinfeld and Groucho Marx. The woman is walking around in broad daylight with nothing but a bra on. I don’t understand stuff like that.” – Puddy “What’s the deal with lampshades? ” – Jerry “All of a sudden it hit me, I realised what the problem is: I can’t be with someone like me. If anything, I need to get the exact opposite of me. The substitute teachers of the theatre world.” – Kramer “Why do I always have the feeling that everybody’s doing something better than me on Saturday afternoons? Why should I pay, when if I apply myself, maybe I could get it for free? My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter. ” – Jerry “What could possess anyone to throw a party? ” – George “What is it about sleep that makes you so thirsty? It’s not like I’m running a marathon, I’m just lying there.” – Jerry “Yeah, I’m a great quitter. I was raised to give up.” – George “I love the name ‘Isosceles.’ If I had a kid, I would name him Isosceles.

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