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♦◊♦ I spent a good part of a week recently getting to know a new woman online, and I could sense the potential.
I could admire her good looks, dark eyes, and flashing wit. In my joyous engagement I was missing something from her that I couldn’t identify.
___ We’ve all heard the stories about all the happily married couples who met through online dating sites.
I don’t know what your experience has been, but I don’t buy it. Because all online dating sites, regardless of the algorithms, gimmicks, or “science,” are more like Facebook than real life.
Further, dating websites sort potential partners for you based on your preferences, giving you option after option of good matches. Too many choices can lead to when the sheer quantity of choices leads individuals to be less satisfied with the choice they end up making (Schwartz, 2004). Researchers presented participants with either six or 24 attractive prospective partners using a framework similar to popular online dating sites and asked them to complete a series of related surveys (D'Angelo & Toma, 2017).
You log on, and soon you're "introduced" to a set of people you might otherwise not meet on your own. ), but research shows, again and again, that there's a pernicious dark side to providing many options.
I could go out and get some exercise—that would be healthy. (Well, OK Cupid’s questions sections are full of quirks, and kinks, but that’s a different conversation all together.) No one’s going to tell you they snort when they laugh, have bad breath, or only like to talk about themselves. But the chemistry part is all about joy—mutual joy.But setting aside the self-improvement regimen for a minute, I could: a. Creative process is where I grow as a person and as an artist (writer, musician, poet, whatever). If you feel joy at the sight of someone, or when you first hear their voice or experience their smile, there’s a hit.And as I am growing myself up, and growing into my creative energy I am also putting out more energy and more joy—which makes me more attractive and more fun to be with. If you feel nothing or something less that nothing (negative), that’s a clear indicator of where things are headed.There’s a reason that an extroverted creative type like me isn’t going to naturally run across an introverted mathematician. We call it social media, but it’s becoming more just media media. Online dating may also seem like a worthy activity, especially if you’re seeking companionship.It’s because we have so little in common, virtually zero overlap. They’re showing you approximately 8% of your friend’s status updates and messages. But the illusion created by social media makes us think we have a pretty good idea of who these “potentials” say they are, and what they look like today, while in truth we don’t.